What about the wife?


 

What about the wife?  What happens to the pastor’s wife when he sins?  What happens to the family?  Sadly I have watched several families go through this terrible sin and the fall out is catastrophic to the church but especially to the home of the pastor.

I’m corresponding with one pastor’s wife now who is recovering (if that’s really possible) from her husband’s affair.  Her husband, the pastor, left the church and her for the other woman.  The destruction to the church and the family is more than a pastor will know.  This pastor has hardened his heart (you have to harden your heart to sin in this way) and is living with “the other woman.”  He has “moved on”…..whatever that means.  And now this wife of a pastor is picking up the pieces and not only starting over but trying to redefine her life.  Who is she now?  What is her role?  What does she do?  How does she serve God from what her husband done to their family?

I know the devastation is more than most will ever realize.  A church destroyed, a home vaporized, lives changed, children shocked, lives completely destroyed and redefined by sin.  And so I naturally ask, what about the wife?  How do we help her?  Who is she now?  What should she do?  Where does she go from here?  How does the church respond to her and her needs?  What now?

Let me invite you to share your stories and thoughts on this topic.  What now?  What about the pastor’s wife?  Share your experiences, comments and thoughts.  I look forward to hearing from you.

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5 responses to “What about the wife?

  1. I found your website perfect for my needs. It helped me, and I’ll certainly install what you recommend. You have something good going here, keep it up!

  2. To love and support our pastor’s wife who has been left as the result of an emotional affair, our church is letting her stay in the parsonage, paying her utilities and medical insurance for her and her 17 year old daughter until such a time as a new pastor is found. There will be other ways to support her as we come to grips with what has happened only 12/30/12, but with the blow she has been dealt by her husband alone, we need to not only pray for a hedge of protection for her, but we need to provide a human hedge of protection and meeting of her needs as she begins a healing process.

  3. Mary, thank you for your comments about the pastor’s wife. It’s most difficult and sad for her and for her daughter. I’m so sorry to hear this. Might I encourage you to rally the women of the church to surround her with love, care and acceptance. Right now she is feeling forsaken, abandoned, hurt and alone. There is no more Christlike response than for your women to rally around her with love, hugs, food and care. She needs to know that she is loved in spite of what her husband has done. Mary, would you lead the charge in that and sow that seed among your women? The wife is the forgotten victim as the church struggles with the pain of a pastor’s affair (real or emotional).

  4. One more thing….in the comment above there are two more things I would like to add: 1. Any church discovering a pastor’s affair should continue to support the pastor’s wife until she is able to make other choices. And, 2. She needs counseling! So does the daughter. The church should encourage and fund counseling for the pastor’s wife and kids to help them with their brokenness as well. She is the pastor’s wife, but she’s also another victim of his sin. All the support you can give her will make the healing ahead easier for her, the kids and the church.

    • Thank you Mike for helping me know how to love our pastor’s wife and his daughter to the fullest. I will take action including taking the recommendation to our deacons about the counseling. I have been on the receiving end of a husband involved in multiple affairs before our marriage ended. I am tremendously grateful for the counseling I was fortunate to have for son and myself to get my life back on track.

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