Update for March 2013

Some of you have stopped by on occasion and made a comment or two.  Thank you.  But to be honest this is not a site people visit and linger.  This is a problem fixing site.  “Here’s what wrong, what do I do?” site.  I know that if you are stopping here it’s because you are part of a church where you have just discovered your pastor’s sin and are looking for answers, for what to do.

Much of what I have written is directional, informational and devotional, but it’s also focused on a topic none of us want to linger over for long.  We want to fix it and get on with “real life”.  I do so understand that.  Talking about broken churches and fallen pastors is just not fun or encouraging.

But, what I have seen is that over time God does do amazing things in the lives of people whose whole world has been destroyed by a pastor’s fall.  I’m watching as I see pastors I have worked with move on into new ministries and visions for their life.  I’m watching people from our body (I saw many of them last night at a wedding) continue to grow and love God….even though they are in new churches and not part of our community any longer.

What I realize is that God is able to continue his kingdom work even after a pastor has sinned and destroyed a church family, even after he has ruined his life, marriage and ministry, even after it seems many have walked away from the faith.

We are now in the seventh year since our big earthquake.  The church is still alive, but it’s much different.  I think any church will change after a pastor’s affair. It has to.  Our body has changed.  Now we have a lot of people who have no knowledge of what happened here….and to be honest we rarely mention it any more….it just takes too long to explain.

So what is the one thing I would tell you after almost seven years?  God’s church will be fine and so will you.  Trust him, stay in his word, stay in a community of faith…don’t walk away…and pray for God’s work in your life and in the lives of those who went through this disaster with you.  I guess that was more than one thing, wasn’t it?

Anyway….I want to simply assure you that if you are new to this experience in your church the most important thing you can do is keep your eyes on Christ and realize he is still Lord of his church in spite of what has happened.  He will be glorified in the church and in your life.  Keep trusting him.  You will see his amazing work and grace.  You will grow.  And God will be glorified!

8 responses to “Update for March 2013

  1. Thank you for the encouragement. Our church has been fortunate to find an older retired pastor who will be serving as our interim while our pulpit committee begins their work of seeking God’s direction for our next pastor. Some in our church want to minimize what happened. We have had at least one couple to leave. We have had several to say they will leave if “the other worman” returns. We see many reaching out to help those who were involved in the sin which is encouraging. There is still much healing that needs to take place and the opportunity for growth in our church body. Thank you for this site and your willingness to share experiences and answer questions when we have needs.

  2. Mary, thank you for your note. I will be praying for you. As you have obviously read on this site healing and renewal will take time. Pray for a heart of forgiveness. In the days ahead that will be so important. I will pray that you have the same heart for the fallen ones as Christ did for us when he saved us. Let me know if I can help you and the church.

  3. what if your pastor sleeps with your own wife?

  4. Han, Oh, I am so very sorry! I can’t tell you how that grieves me to hear. I am so sorry. You have the grief of loss in so many areas. You have lost a pastor through sin and betrayal, you have lost your wife (even if you restore your marriage over time) and, in some ways you have lost your church. There is so much for you to deal with I’m sure the emotions are overwhelming for you. The loss is more than I can imagine. So, what do you do now? First, I would seek counseling for you and your wife. I hope you can restore your marriage, but it will take time and be emotionally difficult. As for the pastor, your number 1 task is to pray that God can give you a heart of forgiveness. You need to realize, and I’m sure you do, that he has lost everything and any bitterness or anger you hold onto cannot make it worse for him. It will only hurt you. As I think about you short, yet profound question, I think of a hundred different levels where you must work through pain. I will be glad to visit with you here or privately if you wish. Let me know how I can help you. I will be praying for you, Han. I am so sorry to hear about your loss and pain.

  5. I am a Pastor that has fallen. I cheated on my wife 3 different times with a woman in the church, and stopped myself because i knew it was wrong a month later the woman that i was cheating with went to the senior pastor 2 weeks ago and told her. She sat me down!!!! This is real fresh and i really dont no what to do i stopped on my own and i believe she told because she wanted to keep going. i am humiliated, and feel horrible. About this!!!!

  6. Hamil, thank you for your honest and painful comments! I know it’s painful and very difficult right now. I can help with direction and thoughts after working with my pastor who also fell. If you would like to visit about this offline let me know. I’ll send you a note by e-mail. I know this is confusing, scary, hard and most of all painful. The first thing I would recommend is that you talk to your wife. I assume she knows. If not, tell her, ask her forgiveness and seek counseling for you as a couple. That is priority #1. Secondly, go to God and restore your walk with him. Those are the first steps. (To be honest, as I read them, I think you should probably do the second one first!) If you want to visit further I would be glad to visit. I am leaving for Kenya in a couple days, but will be near the internet at times, so don’t think I’m ignoring you…I just might be out of touch. For you the days ahead will be hard and you wil be saying “I’m sorry” a lot! That’s ok. That’s part of the price. Pain awaits you in the days ahead, no matter what you do, but if you will trust God you will see wonderful redemption! I will be praying for you Hamil.

  7. Thank you, thank you for sharing your blog.. I hope that you continue to do so. I have shared you blog with a few others as there has been a recent fall from grace in our area and many suffering. Your posts offer up great wisdom and hope. Heart sick when I hear 1 in 5 pastors fall from grace… Praying for our leaders, praying for our families, praying for our church homes… Praying for you as you continue to minister here in such a huge way.. Much needed!

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