Monthly Archives: May 2013

Share your story

About one in five pastors will fall. That is a sad statistic, but real. That means thousands of people are wounded and affected by the sins of pastors. Many of you find your way here to get help. I hope some of the stories here have encouraged you. I hear from many that they have, and so may I invite you to help others by sharing your story as well? You might be wounded at the moment, hurting, angry, but your story will help others as they struggle to deal with the confusion and pain they feel.

Share your story and let’s see what God does with us together.

Hope and healing

More than a year ago I got an e-mail from a pastor’s wife.  Her husband was discovered to be in an affair.  It destroyed their marriage and their church, but it didn’t destroy her.  We have corresponded often in the last 15 months as she has grieved, cried and healed. Last night this dear lady sent me a video, a moment of celebration.  She was invited to speak at the women’s conference at the church she now attends.  It was great to hear her speak, to see her share a bit of her story and God’s work in her life.

In spite of the sin of her husband, the failure of her marriage, the loss of ministry, she has walked with God, trusted him to heal her and grieved as she needed to.  Now God is opening new doors of ministry she never imagined.  It was wonderful to see her speak.  She talked about the failure of her marriage, the heartbreak and the anger everyone feels towards God when it happens. She also talked about God’s work in her life as she walked with him.

I can’t wait to see what God does in her life.  In spite of the devil’s best efforts to destroy this dear saint she is walking with God and trusting him to use her and he is!

Healing is possible. A new beginning is the way God works….he is a God of new beginnings and if we let him he will work in our lives, heal our pains, dry our tears and give us life once more. Is there ministry after an affair? Is there hope? Can God redeem what the devil has destroyed? YES! My friend is proof that God is a God of redemption and healing. I’m so proud of you Dawn!

Is this the new “norm”?

One of the comments posted recently asked the question, “is this the new norm?” and I thought it worth a few words as you deal with your situation and church.  The truth is that our fallenness, our sin nature and the results of it haven’t gotten worse…they haven’t changed with the times.  Men and women have always been this bad, but what has changed is the nature of pastors and their response to sin.  We seem to “play closer to the fire” than we ever have before.  Somehow men in the pastorate think they can tempt this sin and not get burned, but the devil is very good at what he does.  He will make you think you are helping a hurting soul and quickly pull you into the fire of sin.

It’s not that this is our new normal.  This is always the way the human heart has been.  What has changed is our view of sin, temptation and our ability to handle it.  We can’t handle this temptation any better now than we have ever been able to, and yet some think they can “tempt the fates” and it won’t hurt them.  But it does.  Read Proverbs 5-7 for insight into this kind of foolish thinking. Three chapters written over 3,000 years ago reveal the very heart of our foolish nature to tempt sexual sins.

So what do you do when your pastor falls?  One response from a saint who posted a comment was shame.  She was ashamed of her church, but why?  It was the pastor, not the church that fell.  Use that sin as an opportunity to talk about how weak we all are and how much we each need a savior and others around us to help us deal with temptation.

Some will run away.  Let me encourage you to not do that.  Stay, pray, encourage, help the pastors who are left to pick up the pieces and don’t run away from an opportunity to see the redeeming work of God in your church and church family.   These are terrible things, but God is wonderful and loves to redeem.

And, as I ramble about on this post let me say just this one thing….in a culture where we say “do what you want, it’s all ok as long as you don’t hurt anyone” it is quite interesting that in this area, in the sin of a pastor, the culture who demands tolerance is the first to throw rocks….how interesting that is to me.

So, is this the new norm?  No.  There are still Godly men following the Lord and fleeing from sin.  Just because some fall doesn’t mean you should run away.  Stand, pray, encourage and tell the world, “This is the very reason we needed a savior!”