Category Archives: grief

Regret

“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.”  -2 Corinthians 7:10
Regret is something I think about often.  We all do it when we think about the bad choices of the past.  I regret so many things it’s hard to keep up with them.  I regret not saving more, I regret not saying I’m sorry when I needed to, I regret not playing with my kids more.  There are so many.
I’m sure, if you made a list, there would be several that you wish you could have a mulligan on, a do-over.  That’s the way of regret, once we have done it or said it we must live with the consequences of the action or the word for the rest of our lives.
Most of our sins leave us with small regrets, but the sin of a pastor who has fallen rings with an amplified regret.  It’s in bold letters for them if they are tender to God.  But with regret comes two other emotions we each must deal with- the fantasy of what could have been and the fear of what might be.  All of these are the results of bad choices and not trusting God with our lives.
Regret is real, but God’s desire is that we use it to repent and be restored to him and his family.  We can’t undo what we have done, but we can use the regrets of our sins to make good choices in the days ahead.
God’s desire for the fallen pastor is that he would repent and walk with God once more, a son restored, forgiven, rejoicing in the savior who gave his life for all our sins….even this one.

Grief

One of the realities of losing a pastor to sin is grief.  We may not recognize it right away, but it’s there.  It feels like a death in the family, a loss we don’t have words for, the ache of a death.

eyes_of_sorrow_by_evilyyn-d5bxswjIn many ways it is a death and with the death of anything there is grief.  After six years I still see grief in the eyes of some who went through our loss.  They haven’t gotten over it yet.

I’m visiting grief again this week with the loss of a close family member.  It’s especially hard because it was a self-inflicted death.  The death of a pastor through infidelity is like that….unexpected, a surprise, a horrible shock…..and often it’s a grief we are unaware of, a grief that takes time to heal.

I’m convinced that most don’t see a pastor’s fall in the same way we would see a death, but it has the same results….pain, shock, loss and grief.

The only solution to grief is the healing work of God and it takes time, forgiveness and grace.   If you find yourself in a church where the pastor has fallen realize you have grief to deal with.  Don’t ignore it,  It’s the grief of  a death.  Help yourself and others through these days with love, forgiveness and trust in God.