Category Archives: tired

Honest thoughts from the “inside”

As a pastor on the staff of a church going through our own recovery from the fall of our senior pastor I wanted to take a few minutes to share my own thoughts with you.  You might not hear these words from another pastor, so I wanted to tell you my thoughts after 2 years of living in the middle of this earthquake and the tremors that have followed.  These are honest thoughts, and are my thoughts at this moment…having just passed our 2 year anniversary of the pastor’s fall.  Some may seem obvious, but I hope they will help you understand the reality of what your own pastoral staff may be going through if this happens in your church.  Ok, are you ready? Here’s some of my HONEST thoughts-

– There are many days I wish I could just run away.  This is much too hard!

– I know many of our people are angry with the pastor for his sin, I just feel sorry for him….he has a sad life ahead of him.  This can’t end well.

– I often feel really hurt by many who just left the church without a word or call.  They were friends of mine, and they didn’t even call me.  I know the body was hurt by this, but don’t forget…this hurt me too.

– I thought we were a family, but it wasn’t really true.  Many that we thought were part of our church really weren’t.

– I’ve been angry. I hope all of this doesn’t make me bitter too.

– I’m tired…this is a long ordeal.

– Why did God put me here to go through all of this?  What am I supposed to learn from this?  How do I use all of this to help others? (This web site is intended to help address this last question.)

– At what point does a man decide that he will give up EVERYTHING for a few minutes of sex with another woman?  I would love to know when he made that decision, and what he was thinking.

– I hate sin!  After living through the mess of these last two years I HATE sin.  I hope that feeling remains strong in me.

– Was there anything I could have done to help?  I didn’t see any of the signs of this, I wonder if there was anything I could have done.

– I know I could leave and pastor a church of my own and start over…..I’m often tempted to do that.  I’m tired.

– I know God has worked in my life through these two years….I wonder what I can do with all of this? 

– I know that lust and sex are alluring, but how could a guy give up everything for it?  He must have just lost his mind for a bit….no sane person would ever do that.

– When the “junk” of all of this gets too much at times I would love to find the former pastor and give him a good swift kick in the pants!  He deserves it!  How could he do this???

– The devil is sure good at making us do stupid things.  How does he make a smart man act like a stupid fool and think it’s a good thing?  He’s a really good liar!

– I wonder how long it takes before things begin to get better?

– I wonder when I won’t think about this every day?

– I hope this hasn’t hurt my walk with God.  Have I allowed sin in my life because of the struggles of these two years?

Ok, there are just a few of my running thoughts….they go on, but you get a taste of the battle here.  So, if you find yourself in a church going through this please pray for your pastors.  They are in the middle of this battle as well.  We will each need God’s help for the recovery and restoration of our church and it’s family.